loss and death

I never liked people dying. Who does, right? Dying is inevitable and everybody will have to die eventually. Still, that does not make the whole ordeal easy. What I hate about dying is the fact that the person is gone forever. You'll never be able to see the person, touch, hug or kiss him. Even if they remain in your thoughts, they are still gone.

Last Saturday, I was watching the weekend news and saw the breaking report about Sec. Robredo's plane going down. I knew right there and then that he was dead. It was a logical conclusion considering it was a plane that crashed in the water. The probability of him being alive was very slim. My suspicions were confirmed when his remains were found. That news made me sad because I always liked him. We weren't friends but when I saw him on TV, he was very nice. He was very intelligent and always had a happy countenance.

I really hate how people who are good die young. They could have done even greater things but death took that away. Not only will their family miss them but all the people whose lives they touched. I know everyone will get over the loss eventually. But for now, I am one with all those who are grieving for his passing.

today's my sunday

Yesterday, I had to work in order to finish part one of my task. I wasn't able to relax yesterday because of it. I finished by 3pm already and by 5.30 we had to go grocery shopping. Today is my Sunday because work is done and my other boss didn't send me any articles to write. I am at a loss on what to do today and so I have decided to create a post.

The baby has learned how to play Plants versus Zombies and can actually spend two hours just playing if left alone. He also knows how to play Angry Birds as well. That means competition for me since he only plays in my computer. Although he does not really know how to play to win, he does know how to manipulate the mouse and click as he goes. He enjoys watering plants in the Zen garden and moving plants around. He only calls on me for help sometimes. I limit his playing to only one hour and he is fine with it.

Our neighbor's son died last Saturday due to complications. He was just 20 months old. The funny things is that I don't really remember seeing the child when he was still alive. He was always in and out of the hospital for lots of illnesses from hernia to tumor to asthma, among others. Last night we went to the wake and we played Bingo. It was fun but I was already sleepy so I just went home early.

I am still not over the fact that I gained two pounds. No matter how much I eat less, I feel that I am gaining weight everyday. Hahaha! Sometimes, I laugh at my obsession over weight loss. It's bordering on overacting already. = )

After this, I intend to lie down, relax and take a nap. After all, it's Sunday.

remembering lola

Today is my maternal grandmother's death anniversary. She passed away in 1998 due to complications of diabetes. Her right leg was amputated due to a pedicure wound. She never made it out of the hospital. She was operated on twice. I spent my summer that year in and out of the hospital with my cousins. We were tasked to sleep in the hospital with her. Luckily, we had a private room so it was comfortable enough.

I was actually at her bedside when she passed together with my lolo and her daughter. She was just waiting for her sister in Bataan to arrive. She was told the boat would get in by dawn and at about 5 am, she died. I never expected it to happen because I thought she was getting better. I was going to college by June and I never thought she would be gone before that. I was her favorite apo. My mom was her favorite daughter too, you know. I was always accompanying her when she traveled, she would come to our house to rest and we would talk about anything and everything. I fondly remember her telling me not to spend too much time with my boyfriend because in the past they only met once a month. I would ask her for money and she would willingly give me. We made fun of her for switching religions and called her PTL for Praise the Lord.

Fourteen years after her death, I still miss her at times. I didn't cry at her funeral because no tears would fall but time after time, I cry and mourn for her. I wish she was here to see my son and tell me how my life should be. She always had specific ideas about how to live and she was a very good cook. I miss the meals she would cook during fiestas and birthdays. She didn't have a perfect life and wasn't a perfect person but I love her all the same.

This is what I hate about death. When a person dies, you can never see or touch or feel that person again. Despite what others say about them being around us and watching over us, it's still not the same. And it never will be-ever again.

above the law

today started out just fine. i went out with the bf this morning to do errands. we bought stuff etc. we stopped by the ticket office for our next trip. i was talking with the workers while waiting for the ticket when the manager arrived. he told them a certain person has been shot in the next town and to turn on the radio. when i was done, i told the bf (he was waiting in the car) to turn on his radio as well. he knew the man and his son, apparently. so he told we me we were going to look at the crime scene.

when we got there, there were a lot of usoseros and usoseras. it was your typical filipino crime scene basically. i stayed in the car, i am scared of blood and death! the bf went to investigate. after about ten minutes he came back. he told me to go take a look! hello??? so went with him and squeezed past everyone making usyoso. in truth, i only saw the lower half of the body, i didn't dare looking at the upper half (luckily, the man was facing the ground) after that, i went back and stayed in the car until we left. the bf became one of the usoseros and reported whatever information he heard to me every so often.

this kind of killing is very rampant in our place. women and men are not spared from this brutal killings. the sad thing is, the murderers get away with it. there often no leads and no suspects at all. i am against guns, honestly. the bf has his own licensed gun that he carries in a bag. i tell him how much i dislike it but he argues its for protection. the thing is, the bf can have quite a temper when provoked although he hasn't lost control yet. i'm just hoping it won't happen.

but more importantly, i am a little worried something like that will happen to him. he is a businessman, after all. i don't say it out loud, i wait for him to do talk about it. luckily, the bf is always careful and we don't always go out at night.

no one should be above the law. i hope there will be justice for this man and for everyone else who were killed before him. may he rest in peace.