photo from HootSuite
today is just an ordinary saturday for me. i decided to work because i knew i'd be bored if i didn't. saturday is a busy day for the bf, time for payroll and whatnot. but deep down, i have this sense of longing. i miss someone who has moved on to the next life. and this is the reason why it makes me sad. i know i will never, ever get to see him again.
he was my former flame, a summer love, you might say. i don't know, i just loved him even then. we clicked and we understood each other. we didn't last long actually but i knew him for a while. i knew him when he was still a rebellious teenager who was displaced. his parents separated when he was younger and he lived with his dad. during his high school years he moved to his mother's side. there were lots of conflict, especially with his younger brother whom he didn't grow up with. we would only meet during summer or when he came to visit - which isn't often. the longest time i got to spend with him was probably two months. i remember it was my birthday then. we spent time in their house after we had eaten. i was tired from too much studying and i ended up sleeping. unfortunately, the power went out but i continued to sleep. i woke to find him fanning me to keep me cool. that was sweet of him.
but we ended it and he left for abroad. he married after we broke up to a girl from his hometown and they had a little girl. one time, i decided to call him out of the blue and we talked. he had just got home a couple of hours and just turned on his mobile phone. that was probably our last conversation. he died in 2007. it was not an accidental death. he was murdered on the job. i went to his wake and funeral and i could no longer recognize him. during the burial, i saw his friend who was surprised that i didn't marry him. d had told him he loved me and i was the one.
i guess it wasn't meant to be. besides i would have been a widow today. his wife is also gone, she was murdered as well. it was an unrelated matter, mainly out of greed. the little girl is now an orphan and i get to see her. she looks like him and she's smart. as i write this, i feel like crying my eyes out. i don't believe in what people say that if people die, you'll still feel them etc. for me, a person who is dead is gone forever. you will only have memories and that's it. better keep a lot of mementos while you can. i still have pictures of d but i try not to look at them. it just makes me sadder. = (
he was my former flame, a summer love, you might say. i don't know, i just loved him even then. we clicked and we understood each other. we didn't last long actually but i knew him for a while. i knew him when he was still a rebellious teenager who was displaced. his parents separated when he was younger and he lived with his dad. during his high school years he moved to his mother's side. there were lots of conflict, especially with his younger brother whom he didn't grow up with. we would only meet during summer or when he came to visit - which isn't often. the longest time i got to spend with him was probably two months. i remember it was my birthday then. we spent time in their house after we had eaten. i was tired from too much studying and i ended up sleeping. unfortunately, the power went out but i continued to sleep. i woke to find him fanning me to keep me cool. that was sweet of him.
but we ended it and he left for abroad. he married after we broke up to a girl from his hometown and they had a little girl. one time, i decided to call him out of the blue and we talked. he had just got home a couple of hours and just turned on his mobile phone. that was probably our last conversation. he died in 2007. it was not an accidental death. he was murdered on the job. i went to his wake and funeral and i could no longer recognize him. during the burial, i saw his friend who was surprised that i didn't marry him. d had told him he loved me and i was the one.
i guess it wasn't meant to be. besides i would have been a widow today. his wife is also gone, she was murdered as well. it was an unrelated matter, mainly out of greed. the little girl is now an orphan and i get to see her. she looks like him and she's smart. as i write this, i feel like crying my eyes out. i don't believe in what people say that if people die, you'll still feel them etc. for me, a person who is dead is gone forever. you will only have memories and that's it. better keep a lot of mementos while you can. i still have pictures of d but i try not to look at them. it just makes me sadder. = (
No comments:
Post a Comment